Journal

This is something I will never upload in full, but probably the closest glimpse I can muster to show anyone but myself XD

 

I was just thinking on some things about this story, trying to understand my own mind, why I write what I write, and why I had to take it down. And well, I thought it would be interesting to share.

 

CD has been around since I was a kid (middle school, maybe earlier XD)

I always felt like it was some kind of therapy to write and draw from it, when I was most upset about certain things. I always thought it was weird how hard it was for me to keep a 'real' journal. It took me till now to realize...but, this story WAS my journal XD

 

It's really hard for me to let people who KNOW me read this story for that reason. Only my closest friend really reads this story, the rest, if they do I don't wanna know about it XD

I used to draw it out in sketchy comic strips. I can't even look at them anymore because I know one of my friends found them once. It's crazy of me I think, but true...

 

Because I'm sure, though I think I've hidden it quite a bit, that if they knew me well enough they could pick out the parts of this story that relate to me, Jamie most of all.

Not that I dealt with anything as horrendous as he does, but there are certain things I see happening in his life that I realize now correspond with mine in abstract ways, more than any other character.

 

It's funny how we do those things and don't even know XD

 

I still keep a small part of this story only for myself. Extra scenes, little bits of side story that when I'm upset, I just write out. Things I draw just to vent. It's amazing how much it helps.

 

Putting this story out for anyone to read was really difficult for me at first. I toned it down quite a bit, mostly because I was scared. Wouldn't you be? XD It's silly I think, it is after all, a work of fiction.

Still.

It's important for me, in my own mind, to find the right balance between what I share, and what I keep. What I was doing before with this story, it was too far from the original plan. I dressed it up too much, and covered up the parts of it that showed a little more 'me'.

 

I know I said before, I wasn't proud of my work. I know some of you said I was crazy for it LOL. But now you know what I meant, I wasn't proud of the fact that I was too scared to really share it XD;

 

So here's hoping for a little more 'bravery' XD

So far, so good :)

Done