Bone.

The last week has been pretty shitty.

Going out when I didn't want to just for the sake of saying I did.

Making fake conversations with strangers just to hear a new story.

I have nothing to say or do.

I lost a job opportunity I really wanted and I lost a house we were guaranteed to get all in the same day.

I fell asleep at a local show while smoking cigarettes and humming Sublime to myself. I don't remember being so out of place and alone surrounded by people I love. And then had some guy full of blood tossed next to be at that very show Thursday night.

Then it happened again Saturday night, my best friend's cousins birthday, I feel asleep at the warehouse. The music was insanely loud and I was in the middle of drinking and I sat on a couch for just a second and knocked out for two hours.

I'm not lacking sleep. Maybe, I'm just restless at night. I might have hypertension. I wish I could enjoy things the way she enjoys that stupid bone.

Dumb, right?

I don't think it is.

Today I was really productive.

Made my website. Bought the domain. So it's completely up and running. I still want to post a few more albums to it, but for those interested:

 

www.oliviaalvarezphotography.com

 

I'm very excited for it.

And maybe for myself.

Maybe Carlos is right; I know what I want, I'm just so filled with fear.

We'll see where it gets me some day. A lot of people say fear is a great motivator to preserver....why isn't it working right now?

I don't feel safe around anyone. I keep trying to hang out with people who once made me feel safe and/or comfortable and I feel like I'm drowning.

I think it's time to be alone for a bit. Just disappear.

That's the plan.

Hopefully, I'll find a house this week...somehow.

I work ALL fucking week.

I'm not getting paid enough for what I'm doing.

But at least I'm working, right?

Whatever. I don't even know anymore.

I just don't feel happy right now.

 

Solo mode starts today.

Toodles for a bit. Here is to editing and posting for the time being.

 

(i'm over all a happy person, just want to clarify for people who have never been on my flickr account, it's just been a weird/shitty week.)

Done