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People as a whole scare me.

thats why I keep them at a reasonable distance.

I should stop that, but it's hard when actions differ from words.

  

**fourty-six of three sixty-five**

Chinon 50mm f/1.9: The crack's been there for years, but I just noticed it today...

My favorite hangout rises again... I'm hoping they've kept Jim's perogies and salads on the menu.

 

This is one of the first shots from the X100s, overexposed by over two stops. The JPG was a complete loss, but the RAW file had amazing latitude with nothing blown out.

 

Learning my new tools--Fujifilm X100S and LightRoom 5.

Dreamer

 

BY PRIMUS ST. JOHN

  

1

 

There are few probabilities through

Which dreamers do not pass. . .

 

The first dream

Is the bright red dream

Of our mother’s heart.

It is her sacrifice

Of something eternal

In herself, for us.

The Arabs say

Blood has flowed

Let us begin again.

 

The heart is like a cup, or a coffer,

or a cave. It holds the image of the

sun within us. It is a center of illumination

and happiness and wisdom. To dream

of the heart is always to dream of

the importance of love. . .

 

The second dream is the inauguration

Of the soul. In this dream we are

Confronted by a host of birds. . .

 

Some were guileless

Like the doves,

Said Odo of Tusculum,

Cunning

Like the partridges.

Some came to the hand

Like the hawks.

Others fled from it

Like the hens,

Some enjoyed the company

Of people

Like swallows,

Others preferred solitude

Like the turtledoves,

But all eventually flew away.

 

“Living is not necessary, but navigation

is,” said Pompey the Great.

 

B. 1725, London

Mother devout as gunpowder

Seemingly clairvoyant

Taught her only child

To read by four

Arithmetic and Latin by six

Dies when he is seven.

 

I am dreaming

I am in the dark

And it is raining

And she is the rain.

 

To dream that you are in the dark

is a sign of difficulties ahead; if

you fall or hurt yourself you can expect

a change for the worse, but if you

succeed in groping to the light, that

is another matter. . .

 

Father, master of ships,

Lively in the Mediterranean trade,

Unusual qualities —

Educated in Spain, stern.

 

I listen to nothing

But the silence

Of my father; the dream

Says

He is the rudder

And the compass.

 

If, in your dreams, you see your

father and he speaks to you, it is

a sign of coming happiness. If he is

silent, or if he appears to be ill or

dead, then you may expect trouble. . .

 

Sent to sea at ten,

Acted like a verb in disagreement,

Of course

Bright,

But no eagle —

A mess.

 

I have vague

Dreams now

Of intelligent flowers.

I cannot say

If their roots

Are in the ground

Or in the air.

 

By seventeen

A wildflower

In the field of Jesus.

Pious, books, fasting,

Abstinence from meat,

A canon in his meditation

And silence,

But like the weeds

Loved to curse.

 

Flowers, one of nature’s best dreams.

This foretells great happiness, unless

you throw away the blossoms. . .

 

1742

A lot more flexible,

Falls in love,

Misses his ship,

A freethinker now,

Less of a thorn

In the side of God.

 

I dream that I

Am always with her,

A freckle on her wrist,

A flower in her hair,

A ridiculous flying fish —

Sliced

And dressed

And set on the table.

 

As I told you before,

He missed his ship,

Became a lover

Rather than a Jamaican

Planter,

Father as expected

Furious.

 

Love is a dream of contraries as far

as sweethearts are concerned. To dream

that you do not succeed in love is a

sign that you will marry and have

a happy life. To dream that you are in

the company of your lover is also fortunate. . .

 

Late 1743

Kidnapped into the Navy

(What else)

Coming from Mary’s house.

Taken from his own life,

Focused into new pieces.

 

I dream about my fortune,

A fragrance captured

In a jar,

A freckle without a wrist,

A wisp

Foxlike at the edge

Of the wind.

 

Fortune is a dream of contraries: the more

fortunate and successful you are in imagination,

the greater will be your real struggles. . .

 

How do we fit together

When we are not free?

What kind of animal are we?

How many heads do we have?

How many tails?

The sea

Is a strange piece of property

On which to discuss this,

 

On the hms Hardwick

One month later

Midshipman John Newton:

I have eaten war

Like a cluster

Of delicious fruit.

The ironic juices

Running from my lips

That was my dream.

 

The reality of war is the dream of it. Beware

of those things that appear so friendly

but have no reason. . .

 

1774

The Hardwick

Ordered to the East Indies.

First our hero visits Mary again.

(You’re wrong)

Almost misses ship,

Completely misses the point.

Given small boat of men

To go ashore at Plymouth,

Deserts.

 

My dreams here

Were father, compass,

Fog, leakage,

And ultimately, learning,

With us

Like our laundry.

 

We are always pulling from our past. Fossils

are the dream of the sickness of someone

you have not met for a long time. When

this happens brew herbs, add honey

and lemon, sip and inhale deeply. . .

 

Captured like a frog,

Returned, put in irons,

Stripped, flogged, degraded,

Returned to foremast.

 

This is that point many people would

call a black moment, an unfortunate

color on things. I will not do that. For

black is a contrary at funerals and our

hero has just died a little as we

all tend to from time to time. And even

though that is true I will not do

that either. I will not talk of the great

white moment of death, I will not talk

of the great blue and purple moments

in the prosperity of pain. I will not

talk of the great red or scarlet moments

of quarrels and loss of friends, or

the crimson pleasure of the unexpected,

the mental tints of yellow and orange

that show you should always expect

change, or the feeling of knowing green

because you have been on a long journey.

All the colors are conjurers when our

mysteries are being solved. And if this could

not be his dream then by now it should

be ours. . .

 

We are not holy

The wind says in the sails

As he works.

It has never been otherwise

Though we live in the most

Devout of stories like litmus paper

Constantly changing color

Just to prove something

Is happening.

 

The sadness in his dream is a good omen

for the future. It is a quest for lasting joy,

and so is punishment a dream of unexpected

pleasure. . .

 

Works quietly for weeks.

His silence

Darns a temperate

Healing thread

His eyes

Become an elaborate

Decorative art

Avoiding everyone.

 

“Every month,” said Cicero

“the moon contemplates

its trajectory

and the shrubs

and animals grow.”

 

He has done to himself

What is easy.

He must now blossom

Out of his new secrets

Even if joy is ephemeral.

 

Suddenly

He begins to sing,

Creates songs about fish

And clouds.

 

Fish are a dream of penetrative motion,

clouds are a dream of appearances always

in a state of change. . .

 

We must be patient

With the overfecundity

Of his youth.

We must let him

Climb and descend the mast

Like a weapon.

Trade him

To a slaver’s ship

To subdue the threat

To discipline

In his strangely awakening

Joy.

We must let him

Choose his monsters

And the myths

Of his own worth —

The enemy always being

The forces threatening

From within.

 

Paul said, “We wrestle not against flesh

and blood, but against principalities, against

powers, against the rulers of the darkness

of this world, against spiritual wickedness in

high places. . .”

 

Suddenly,

Begins to breathe

Different songs

In his six-months’ stay

Along the Sierra Leone coast.

Troublesome songs,

Songs of quick wit

And devastating rhymes

Ridiculing ship’s officers,

Crew loves them,

Becomes a choir.

 

To dream that you hear other people

singing shows that the difficulties

that will come for you will come through

your dealings with other people. . .

 

The irate mate

Assuming command

After the death of the captain

Threatens

To put Newton

On a man-o’-war.

 

The Royal Navy is not an obstacle dream;

it is an elaborate exhibition of the

nuances of living death. . .

Occupation: slave dealer

Place: Sierra Leone

On one of the Plantanes

Features: Short, white male

Name: Clow

Other information: Black wife

Name: sounds like P.I.

 

John Newton

Bargains his life

Into this extravagant story.

He will become a slave

Because P.I. will hate him.

He will become ill

With fever.

He will be denied

Food,

Denied water,

Tormented by Black slaves

On command,

Put to work

On a lime tree plantation

Enjoying only the scents

And dreaming

Of his earthly desires,

Will master the six books

Of Euclid,

Drawing the diagrams

With a long stick

In the wet sand.

 

Six is, like two, a particularly ambiguous

number to dream about, but it

establishes equilibrium. It unifies

the triangles of fire and water and

symbolizes the human soul. Six is

the hermaphrodite, a personality integrated

despite its duality.

 

If this is a story

Of the reasoning of slavery,

Where are we?

What have we been doing

To people,

To the light

From which life emanates?

 

Slavery is a story

Of procreation,

Of magic religious thinking,

Of the androgynous divinity

Within us.

No story can be this happy

Unless it is married

To something deeply within us.

It is not them

Who have done it to us,

Or us

Who have done it to them.

It is the antagonistic dream

Of unreconciled love.

 

To dream of erotic love is to dream of

the desire to die in the object of desire, to

dissolve in that which is already

dissolved. The Book of Baruch says erotic

desire and its satisfaction is the key

to the origin of the world. Disappointment

in love and the revenge which follows

in its wake are the roots of all the evil

and selfishness in the world. The whole

of history is the work of love.

  

2

 

“The character of the image,” said Shukrâchârya,

“is determined by the relationship between

the worshipper and the worshipped.”

 

On the beach,

He eats the fruit

Of his own way;

He fills himself

With his own devices;

He continues to draw

In the sand.

 

Each grain

Is a small,

Precise form

Of salvation

That has occurred,

A god come to earth

In another form,

A private,

Innate sacrifice.

Providence does not tire.

We are ready to go on

With the story.

 

It has come to this:

When his father dreams

He only sees

The broad face

Of sadness,

The soft grassland

Where only asphodels grow,

And the idea of water

Expanding into tears.

 

But to dream of sadness is a good

omen, a transportation of suffering to the

spiritual: this dream is like an herb,

a seasoning, a bitter root, medicinal,

something poisonous, but nevertheless

something that eventually withers away.

 

When you

Come on to squally weather,

When the wind

Is about SW,

When

You sway up the yard

Fix the trysail,

Put people to making

Sennit and swab,

Ask for my son.

Ask the Lamb,

The Beverly, the Golden Lyon,

Ask Job Lewis,

Have you seen my boy?

Have you seen my boy?

 

One thousand years before Christ, Solomon

said that the way of a ship in the midst

of the sea was too wonderful for him

to understand.

 

Meanwhile,

Clow: shamed

Into freeing his fellow

White man.

After all

They share the same hair,

The same instinctual life,

The same irrational power.

There is no victim here:

This is a story of love’s

Sadness,

Of the spirit of love’s ferocity

And savage insensibility,

And the name of Jesus

Turned in hymns,

Spewed into the fringes

Of the forest,

Spewed on the deep blue sea.

 

What dream is this, is that what you said?

My God, this is the dream of the dragon,

the fabulous animal, the amalgam of

aggression, the serpent, the crocodile, the

lion, what we like to think is the

antediluvian nature of love.

 

John is free now.

John is free to slave,

Free to be reluctant,

To give up profit

and return home.

 

Ask the master of the Greyhound.

Have you seen my boy?

Have you seen my boy?

 

To find money in your dream is not fortunate

at all. There will be some sudden advancement

or success, but it will prove

disappointing. Reader, remember this

statement by Virgil, “It will be pleasant

to remember these things hereafter.”

 

You cannot blame

The sea on a woman.

Unlike the seasons

It has no ribs

Though

It has a crown,

Wears a sheath,

Swings a sickle,

Adores the sun,

And is known

As bareheaded and leafless.

The sea is the emblem

Of the great capricious world;

The naked image of flux

Vibrating between life and death.

 

There is a dream called “Dire is the tossing

deep the groans; come let us heel, list

and stoop.” And when John heard this

on his way home, it was as if he

had read 2 Kings 10:16, “Come with me

[brother] and see my zeal for the lord.”

 

For twelve months

The Greyhound

Sought gold,

Ivory, dyer’s wood,

Beeswax,

And Newton sought the Lord.

 

The way of a ship in the midst of the sea

is too wonderful to understand.

 

Youth is not innocence.

It is not a militant puzzlement.

It is a methodological initiation

Into the ubiquitous life

Of sin.

For a life without sin

Is no life at all.

And so he wanders on

Like Paul,

So very Christian about it,

At once wretched and delivered.

Thinking with his mind

He is serving God,

But with his flesh

The law of sin.

 

Call out John Newton.

Call out

To Joshua, Ruth,

Samuel, Obadiah,

Esther, Zechariah,

Luke and Timothy.

The world

Is a masterfully round

Secret

That embraces everything,

And it is time

To reach into the horizon,

Now.

It is time to choose

Your ship,

And the triangle of your life

Upon the salty sea.

 

As you can see, dreams are without reason,

without solution, without proof, the

unedited version of our love, our aspiration,

our hurt. . . Call out John Newton. Call out. . .

 

Back home

Offered captaincy of ship.

Refuses.

Sails as first mate

On the Brownlow.

 

Collects slaves.

Takes them to South Carolina.

 

He begins to dream of questions: “What

was the mode used in stowing the slaves

in their apartments?”

 

Returns home,

Marries Mary Cattlett,

Assumes first command,

The Duke of Argyle,

140 tons burthen.

 

Marriage is the dream of sulfur and

mercury. Some believe it is a most fortunate

omen, a volatile conciliation, a fragile

union. They are right. It is one of the great

uncharted seas of individuation. It is

said, “If you are separated from your

opposite you consume yourself away. . .”

 

Dead reckoning

Magnetical Amplitude     W° 25.30N°

True Amplitude     W° 6.30°

Variation     19° in Western

Lattitude per Account     50° 48m

 

One-third of the slaves will die

In middle passage

Some say fifty million

Started the trip

Some say fifteen.

 

The dream of questions is a bright necklace

with two ornaments on it: liberty and

love, not truth.

 

“At noon some small rain. . .

Had an indifferent observation. . .”

 

“We take the two men-boys

For some shallop rigging,

We do not take

The two fallen-breasted women. . .”

 

“Dear Mary,

     Today, saw

     My quondam Black

     Mistress P.I. —

     I believe

     I made her sorry

     For her former ill

     Treatment of me.”

 

The trouble with atonement is it is like

a sphinx, several parts human, several

parts bull, dog, lion, dragon, or bird.

When we are dreaming of atonement, no

matter how subtly, we must remember

we are not dreaming of a verb.

 

“I watch them work

The tie, tackle,

And lower lift.

The boatswain

Speaks to Bredson

About the score

In one of the strops.

Thomas Creed

Sits with his splicing fids;

Tucks the strands

Of the tack cringle.

His fingers are either

Little mystics or snakes.”

 

When you dream the dream of square-sail

rigging you are dreaming the dream

that the same side is always before

the wind. At the dawn of Swedish history

it was believed Erik Vädderhatt, the

King of the Svear, could turn the wind

and cruise endlessly. Ships are supposed

to be emblems of transcendental joy. . .

 

“Do the male slaves

Ever dance

Under these circumstances?”

 

“After every meal

They are made to jump

In their irons;

But I cannot call it dancing.”

 

“What is the term

That is usually given to it?”

 

“It is by the slave dealers

Called dancing.”

 

“Unclewed the sails.

They too in their shackles

Danced in the wind.”

 

“Dear Mary,

     I watched the land wind

     Do to the sails

     What it does

      To our hair.

     I dreamed of dancing

     With you

     Into the cold water,

     Our wet clothes

     Like nets and entanglements

     Around our desire.”

 

They would call them up

Two by two, equivocal,

Unmasked,

Making it possible

To be classified

Forever:

Pairs of birds,

Pairs of oxen,

Pairs of sheep,

Reptiles, lions,

Elephants, antediluvian,

Carnivorous, herbivorous,

Fabulous, beautiful,

Ugly, strange,

Cocks, locusts, bears,

Foxes, and even flies,

All of them black;

All of them in colonnade

To the gates of hell.

 

John did baptize

In the wilderness,

Did call out to Judæa

And Jerusalem

Come lay down

Your life

In the River Jordan,

Participate in his death

And his resurrection.

 

They said

They were refreshing them,

But the shackles still clanged,

And most of them still stank,

And many finding holes

In the netting

Jumped overboard

And baptized themselves

Bobbing in the adoring

Loins of the sea.

 

“Dear Mary,

     The three greatest blessings

     Of which human nature is capable

     Are undoubtedly religion,

     Liberty and love.”

 

The shape of a ship’s hull is determined by

the materials, methods of construction,

means of propulsion, use, fashion, and

whim. This is a dream of law and

the minute verities of justice, the eighth

enigma of the tarot.

 

First part fair,

The latter cloudy,

Winds becoming unusual,

Clouds dark, great lightning. . .

I think of what we’ve done,

My own illumination

Before it is too late:

 

The palm and needle whippings,

The short splice,

Blackwall hitches,

Sheet bends.

 

Quickly rummage

The rigging details,

The yardarm blocks,

The tackles.

 

Recall work

On the pintles,

The rudder head.

 

Have Billinge

Check barricado and stores,

Especially powder and slaves.

 

On this day

Of the second voyage

Of The African, 1754,

Weighed,

Bound by God’s permission

To St. Christophers,

We are ready for our justice,

To be winnowed like barley

On the threshing floor.

 

The great dream of the dark, with the

lonely extroverted lamp, the intuitive ship,

and the wind tossing on the innovative sea

should moor somewhere. “Why is this

so?” asked Kuo Hsi. For in our landscapes

and our seascapes are the personalized items

of our consciousness, the coarse grist

of our imagination, the flirtatious metaphors

stirring our ethics, and the boldly stroked

delineations of our unraveling possibilities

and original nature.

 

Through the night

We were played with

Like kittens.

The slaves spilled

Out nightmares of themselves

And groans.

We will all

Need dawn’s shawl

This morning.

I hope

She is good to us.

 

Osiris was slain by Set and put

together again by Isis. John will dream

like this, off and on, and then quit the

sea. This is his last voyage. He will

lose no slaves and no crew, and it will

be called a blessing. At a time like

this the Egyptians would build a

monolith to marry the enigmatic tension

between life and death. John will

change his dreams, now, from the menstrual

dreams of the slaver to the menthol dreams

of the minister. Showing the devastating evil

we do, like a storm, is only a stepping-

stone to something else.

Sing brother.

 

I will become sermons,

He says,

That understand what I’ve done.

Sing

I will become hymns

Bound in the skin

Of what I’ve done.

I will be patient with Cowper,

Inspiring to Wilberforce

     And Wordsworth;

I will attract the awakened crowds,

The abolitionist.

I will stand at the altar.

Sing brother

Dressed in black,

Testifying,

Testifying. . .

 

I dream I will not be forgiving him

for the timeliness of his innocence, for

betrothing the dead to the dead,

but will be lifting

up my hands to an appetite for life

that will take slavers and slaves with me.

 

I wish

There was no timelessness,

That slavery was over

And so far away

It was an incredibly mysterious

Jungle —

Somewhere else.

An uncharted river

Canopied by extensive moss —

Somewhere else.

A spectacular ragged

Waterfall

Mystically expressed

Over an enormous

Obsidian wall,

But it is right here

In my pouch, today,

Like the acori beads

I have been swimming with

For hours —

Presidential, prime ministerial,

Corporate, grassroots based.

right here,

Racist, imperial, and sexist.

right here,

Woefully spendthrift

And Democratic,

Anally retentive

And Republican,

Militantly inappropriate,

And so good to itself

That it jogs.

    

Primus St. John, “Dreamer” from Communion: Poems 1976-1998. Copyright © 1999 by Primus St. John. Reprinted with the permission of Copper Canyon Press, P.O. Box 271, Port Townshend, WA 98368-0271, coppercanyonpress.org.

 

Source: Communion: Poems 1976-1998 (Copper Canyon Press, 1999)

  

Primus St. John's poems often wed personal to public and quotidian to historical. He is as well known for his love poems as for his long poems, notably the epic poem “Dreamer,” written in the voices of the slaves and the captain aboard a slave ship. He has said that he tries “to be as comfortable with anger as [he is] with tenderness,” and this is evidenced by his nuanced handling of the human proclivity for contradiction as well as self-improvement.

  

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

  

Sacred Hunger

 

For those interested in the history of the slave trade, Barry Unsworth's Sacred Hunger is an excellent and well-researched fictional accounting of the fate of one slaving ship, its owner and the many lives on board.

 

"Unsworth illuminates the barbaric cruelty of slavery, as well as the subtler habits of politics and character that it creates." (Publisher's Weekly)

[綾瀬. 東京. Ayase, Tokyo. 2010 / Nikkor 50mm. f/1.4. iso1000. 1/100]

 

Recalling a conversation with a girl (pretending) studying french (dadou~ knows who i'm talking about) last week. As she was boasting around how she was deep into muay thai and how great it was, i shared my experience with finding a good martial art place in Singapore, even if obviously she did not have enough time to listen at what anyone else but her could say, engrossed as she was in showing off.

I told her how i had these preconceived ideas that, Singapore being in Asia, i would easily find some dojo or boxing clubs with great spirit. And how i had been often disappointed, in most of the several trial courses i attended, to find a recurrent state of mind far from my expectations. A state of mind made of shallowness, arrogance, disrespect for other martial arts or experiences.

Shallowness, with this constant obsession of fitness, of looking good, complacency and impatience.

Arrogance, with the delusion of thinking you're the best, even after just a few years, and with this obsession of being efficient.

Disrespect, by constantly comparing with the other ways of martial arts, roughly simplifying them in order to demean them, without trying to know more about them.

I felt this attitude in the western parts of this world as well, but never so blatantly. Actually, in Europe or Northern America, i felt sometimes rather a sort of sect-like attitude, triggering that arrogance in relation with other schools or ways (a chapel-like aspect i always hated in martial arts), while, in Singapore, it rather sounded like a consumerist attitude, as if martial arts and clubs were brands, like "ok, i found the best item, best value for money, and every other brand is not worth it"...

In other words, it seemed as if the local kiasuism ("fear to lose"), added with impatience, ignorance of the rest of the world (one of the most astonishing contradiction of Singapore, being on one hand the epitome of a cosmopolitan hub open to the rest of the world, and, on the other hand, sometimes unable to understand the way the rest of the world is working and thinking), a consumerist state of mind, would somehow rub off (and possibly taint) on the spirit of martial arts, or at least the way they are taught and comprehended. Wanting to grab all, immediately and any old how - at the conjunction of kiasuism (=fear of losing), impatience and bochap (=carelessness) attitude.

 

Too busy bragging around for paying attention to the metaphorical aspects of my remarks, the girl seemed to give more substance to my point, which didn't need that honour. Here's what she said :

"- Yeah, yeah, but my club is deep in spirit, you know..."

"- Ah. Great you found a club not obsessed by fitness and appearance. What's its name?" i asked.

"-Fitness First"

"-Ah. But... er... I guess you're learning also the cultural aspects and the spirit behind thai boxing, like the rituals and the way to control strength and breath, right?"

"-Yeah, of course. But not this bullshit with the dancing and so on. We kick bags and we have thai r'n'b..."

"-Ah."

Then she got carried away : "-But it's so much better than all those shits you're talking about... Muay thai is the best, you know. Boxing? Bullshit! It's just 6 different movements. So poor, and inefficient. Kung fu? It's just for movies, it's not efficient, actually. And the thing you talk about, whats its name again lah? Ah yes, aikido. Just bullshit..."

"- You've tried these martial arts before, then?" i asked.

"- Huh? What for? Cannot lose my time lah. No, muay thai is the best, and my club is really the best. I'm training 5 times a week now, and i'm in super shape. You should try it... Er... but you have to be in good shape..." she said. The other girl who was patiently listening at her boasting rolled her eyes, had a bemused look at the flabby tummy and arms of the muay thai queen wannabe...

I kept a frozen smile, listening patiently at this half-my-age girl, stuck in her aggressive certitudes. In a blink of an eye (or two, maybe), i felt that stupid thought creeping into my brain, wondering how many seconds it will take to knock her out with one of the not-so-inefficient tricks all her aerobic-like-muay thai classes won't teach - probably a simple headbutt would be enough. Then i felt ashamed to get contaminated (even for just a short moment) by her aggressive certitudes.

"- Perhaps i'm too old to rely only on my strength, stamina and aggressivity, i guess...", i said.

"- Yeah... That's why fitness gyms are good for teaching muay thai, you see...", she philosophically observed

Then i asked her : "- Thank you for the information. For how long have you been doing muay thai, again?"

"- Almost one year, and my teacher says i'll be an expert soon."

"- So, you don't need to get any exam then, i guess, like french, since you did not feel the need to pass the exam for going to the next level..." i said bitterly, this girl's level and attention in french class being pathetic.

"- Yeah... Er... No, it's not the same... i mean er... ", she muttered.

"- If you say so. Have a good day..."

 

[version française]

Il revient à ma mémoire une conversation avec une fille étudiant le français (ou du moins prétendant le faire, dadou~ sait de qui je veux parler), la semaine dernière. Comme elle n'arrêtait pas de se vanter et de dire comme elle était à fond dans la boxe thai et ô combien c'était génial, j'ai partagé un peu de mon expérience à propos de trouver un bon lieu pour pratiquer les arts martiaux à Singapour, même si manifestement elle n'avait pas le temps d'écouter ce que quiconque d'autre qu'elle pouvait avoir à dire, absorbée qu'elle était à se la pêter.

Je lui ai dit que j'avais toutes ces idées préconçues selon lesquelles, Singapour étant en Asie, j'y trouverais facilement des dôjo ou des clubs de boxe avec un bel esprit. Et combien j'avais été souvent déçu, dans la plupart des essais que j'avais pu faire, de n'y trouver qu'un état d'esprit récurrent, bien loin de mes attentes. Un état d'esprit fait de superficialité, d'arrogance et de manque de respect vis-à-vis des autres arts martiaux et des expériences différentes.

Superficialité, avec cette obsession constante du fitness, d'avoir l'air beau, complaisance et impatience.

Arrogance, avec cette illusion de croire qu'on est le meilleur, même après à peine quelques années, et cette obsession de l'efficacité.

Manque de respect, en se comparant constamment avec les autres arts martiaux, en les schématisant grossièrement pour mieux les rabaisser, sans chercher à en savoir plus sur eux.

J'avais également ressenti parfois cette attitude dans les parties occidentales de ce monde, mais jamais de façon aussi flagrante. En fait, en Europe et en Amérique du Nord, je sentais plutôt parfois une sorte d'attitude sectaire, déclenchant cette arrogance vis-à-vis des autres écoles ou voies (un esprit de clocher que j'ai toujours détesté dans les arts martiaux), alors qu'à Singapour, ça s'apparente plus à une attitude consumériste, comme si les arts martiaux et clubs étaient des marques, du genre "bon, j'ai trouvé le meilleur article, le meilleur rapport qualité-prix et aucune autre marque n'est à la hauteur"...

En d'autres termes, tout se passe comme si le kiasuism ("peur de perdre"), ajouté à l'impatience, l'ignorance du reste du monde (un des paradoxes les plus étonnants de Singapour, à la fois symbole d'un port cosmopolite ouvert sur le reste du monde, tout en étant parfois incapable de comprendre la façon dont fonctionne et pense le reste du monde), allié à un état d'esprit consumériste, venait d'une certaine façon déteindre sur l'esprit des arts martiaux (et peut-être même le souiller), ou du moins sur la manière dont ils sont enseignés et appréhendés. Tout, tout de suite et n'importe comment - à la jonction entre kiasuism (=peur de perdre), impatience et attitude bochap (=je m'enfoutisme, manque de soin).

 

Trop occupée à se vanter pour prêter attention aux aspects métaphoriques de ma remarque, la fille a donné sans s'en rendre compte plus de substance à mon argument, qui n'en demandait pas tant. Voici ce qu'elle a dit :

"- Ouais, ouais, mais mon club il est à fond dans l'esprit, tu vois..."

"- Ah. C'est super que tu aies trouvé un club pas obsédé par le fitness et l'apparence. Il s'appelle comment?", je lui ai demandé.

"-Fitness First"

"-Ah. Mais... Euh... Je suppose que tu y apprends aussi des aspects culturels et l'esprit derrière la boxe thai, comme les rituels et la manière de contrôler sa force et sa respiration, non?"

"- Ben ouais, bien sûr. Mais pas ces conneries avec la danse à la con et tout. On tape dans des sacs et y'a du r'n'b thailandais..."

"-Ah."

Et puis elle s'est emballée : "- Mais c'est tellement mieux que toutes ces merdes dont tu parles... La boxe thai, c'est c'qui a de mieux, tu vois. La boxe? C'est de la merde! Y'a juste 6 mouvements différents. Tellement limité, et inefficace. Kung fu? C'est juste pour les films, c'est pas efficace, en fait, tu vois. Et le truc que tu m'as dit, comment qu'ça s'appelle déjà, là? Ah ouais, aïkido. C'est juste de la merde..."

"- Alors tu as essayé ces arts martiaux avant?", je lui ai demandé.

"- Hein? Pour quoi faire? J'ai pas d'temps à perdre, là. Non, la boxe thai c'est c'qui a d'mieux, et mon club c'est l'meilleur. J'm'entraîne 5 fois par semaine maintenant, et j'suis en super forme. Tu d'vrais essayer... Euh... Mais bon 'faut être en forme quoi...", qu'elle m'a dit. L'autre fille qui l'écoutait patiemment se vanter a levé les yeux au ciel et a jeté un regard désabusé sur le ventre et les bras flasques de celle qui se voyait reine de la boxe thai...

Un sourire figé sur mes lèvres, j'ai écouté patiemment cette fille deux fois plus jeune que moi, engluée dans ses certitudes agressives.

L'espace d'un battement de cils (ou deux), je me suis surpris à sentir cette pensée stupide s'insinuer en moi, du genre combien de secondes me faudrait-il pour la mettre hors combat en utilisant un de ces trucs pas-si-inefficaces-que ça qu'elle n'apprendrait jamais dans un de ses cours de boxe thai à la sauce aérobic - probablement qu'un simple coup de boule suffirait. Puis, immédiatement, je me suis senti honteux de me faire contaminer pour un instant par ses certitudes agressives.

"- Je suis peut-être trop vieux pour croire uniquement en ma force, ma résistance et mon agressivité.", lui ai-je fait remarquer.

"- Ben ouais, c'est pour ça que les clubs de fitness c'est bien pour faire d'la boxe thai...", a-t-elle philosophiquement observé.

Je lui ai demandé : "- Merci pour ces informations. Tu fais de la boxe thai depuis combien de temps, déjà?"

"- ça va faire bientôt un an, et mon prof dit que je serai une pro bientôt."

"- Alors, t'as pas besoin de passer d'examen, je suppose, comme pour le français, puisque tu n'as pas senti le besoin de passer l'exam' pour t'inscrire d'office au niveau suivant...", j'ai dit amèrement, le niveau d'attention et le niveau tout court de cette fille en cours de français étant affligeant.

"- Ouais... Euh... Non, c'est pas pareil...j'veux dire euh... ", elle a marmonné.

"- Si tu le dis... Bonne journée..."

 

"Their new car turned out to be a lemon. It never ran right."

 

Taken for Macro Mondays.

2/14/2011: Theme: Metaphor

Another cross-processed pic... but this one begged for it.

Free to use / please no CD's or Collage Sheets

Playful metaphor for European MOOCs participants. For more info, check out openeducationeuropa.eu/en/blogs/open-your-professional-de...

Palloza. Cervantes.

so basically this was inspired when i was cleaning up my room and i had to store a bunch of old magazines. the most convenient place ended up being in a box full of leogs that was stashed under my bed. (yes i have a box of legos stashed under my bed.)

then i started getting all metaphorical and was wondering about the contrast between legos, a typical younger (or older) boy's toy, and fashion magazines, which are usually for the female gender. i decided to merge them and see what happened. unfortunately i was too lazy to get into good light and it looked kinda like crap, so i changed this little effect on PS, posterize or something, and it ended up looking kinda cool.

M&S Project 52

 

Is the glass half empty, or half full?

Jim owned the Metaphor Cafe for a few memorable years and immediately distinguished himself as the city's premier purveyor of pierogies. His salad dressing, which he claimed had some ungodly number of spices, was legend, as were his enchanting waitstaff of young women, all with far more charm and attitude than restaurant experience.

 

What I loved most about the Metaphor in those days were Jim's paintings. The cafe was his canvas, from entrance to restrooms, everywhere one looked--walls, ceilings, floors, counters, tables, even the plumbing.

 

This painting is one of very few left at the Metaphor, on the entry door to the space Jim kept next to the cafe. This little room was fully fitted out as a hair styling salon, where Jim would treat his preferred customers to styling sessions while their dinner was (ever so slowly) prepared. PJay loved the attention, and she'd always return to the table coiffed in some radically altered state. Meanwhile, I'd smoke a cigar and flirt with Jim's waitress du jour.

 

It's only been a few years since Jim sold the Metaphor, but it seems an eternity to me.

Invisibility by environment

 

An object may be classified as "invisible" if it cannot be noticed by use of sight due to environmental factors other than the fact that it doesn't reflect light. An object that might normally be seeable may be classified as invisible if it is:

 

* Behind an object.

* The same colour or pattern as the background. (Camouflage)

* Patterned so that its outline is hard to determine.

* In an environment which is too dark or too bright.

* In a particular observer's Blind spot (outside that observer's line-of-sight).

 

a flattened mini-soccerball that had been kicked out into the street

J. Spencer Smith Elementary School - Tenafly, NJ

 

This is my first attempt at a triptych!!! Not Bad!!!

Camera: Cosina Voigtlander Bessa R3M

Lens: KMZ Jupiter 3 50mm f1.5

Film: Ultrafine 400

Developer: Xtol

Scanner: Epson V600

Photoshop: Curves, Healing Brush (spotting)

Cropping: None

The new growth slowly re-engulfs the recently revealed monument in the cemetery at Arnos Vale reclaiming it as it's own again. The metaphor of the broken column here with added poignancy through the actions of nature and the light glimpsed through the forest beyond. .

This watch is a simple, inexpensively-made pocket watch that was given to me as a best man gift.

 

The second hand fell off right around the time when said friend was already having marital troubles of a severe nature that eventually resulted in an expedient divorce. The face (dial) of the watch went crooked and rotated around the time that my relationship was slowly falling apart and in both cases, there was pretty much nothing I could do about it.

 

The watch is now fixed. Life eventually fixes itself, but on its own timetable and the impatient must work very hard to distract themselves while it does so.

Young with a dire future. Deeply sad eyes.

   

William-Adolphe Bouguereau, artist

French, 1825 - 1905

The Broken Pitcher, 1891

oil on canvas

53 x 33 (134.6 x 83.8 cm)

Gift of M.H. de Young 53162

 

To understand the process behind this image follow this link to the photoset.

It's worth reading, to give some context.

 

[This photo was actually taken during the day.]

Corgo. Cervantes

me: the pink flower

my life: all the leaves

my insecurities: the brick step

the easiest way over...is to go towards the light a bit then make a right....

realizing then all i have to do is go around the chaos to find peace of mind.

Check out their website, especially the photogallery: www.angst.ro

  

Processed with VSCOcam with p5 preset

to "Some Lights Are Dark" by Red Car Wire

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