View allAll Photos Tagged intrusivethoughts
So as I mentioned in my last photo, I was thinking of bringing back my CPTSD theme, well, I also was considering writing Trigger Warning after the title, but then again you've already seen the photo, so, err, yea... however, that said, this shit needs to be spoken about, ***Trigger Warning*** below...
Please Note: This is all about education, awareness and support, it is not meant for sympathy or anything else on those lines.
The subject here is perhaps one of the most horrible symptoms concerning CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), that is, Suicide Ideation, that is to become obsessed over the consideration of committing suicide, it works like intrusive thoughts but whilst they can be random, these versions are fixating upon the one subject matter. Many a time I was trapped into this form of thinking, my own personal methodology differed but on one particularly horrifying night, I ended up in intensive care after a failed OD, and other attempts through the years that landed me in psyche wards, often arriving in handcuffs in the back of an ambulance under the escort of less than sympathetic police officers.
One of the most hardest and cruellest aspects of Suicide Ideation, is when in the actual act, if the thoughts have driven one to it, is the locked in combination of suffering Depression and Anxiety at the same time, picture this; two tornadoes one clockwise, one anti clockwise and you are caught emotionally between the two, so thus the depression tells you to do it, that you're worthless, life is shit, etc, but the Anxiety tells you that you are too afraid, you don't know what's on the otherside, there's no turning back, on and on it spins around in your head. Ultimately the anxiety can be your best friend and pulls one back at the last moment, thank god!
I never succeeded, obviously, but fuck me I came close and I would strongly advise, if you are feeling this way, you speak to someone, you have every right to live. Remember, it's truly an emotional bluff (as big and convincing as it may seem), you are better than your thoughts and you are a hero for coming this far, having ever faced such a battle, never, ever give in to it my dear friend. It's actually because you just want the goddamn pain to stop, it can, and it will!
Think of it like this, so many people before you have been there, survived and thereafter life got beautiful for them, you are no exception from that miracle, I am living proof. Now I use my experience to guide others as I hope I am doing here. You live in a universe of infinite possibilities and life can still surprise you. Believe that!
I hope everyone is well and so as always, thank you! :)
PS: If however you are getting to that point, please consider going here...