week 20 :: anger
this week's theme proved a bit challenging for me, how do you show anger? anger is an emotion and visible when a person is in the moment experiencing that feeling. it can then be 'seen'- visually through facial expressions or gestures. but you have to be in that moment to capture it?? and truly I try not to feel anger, it depletes my energy, it doesn't feel good and it's not incredibly healthy either. now don't get me wrong, there are definitely those moments of feeling 'highly frUstrated.' but for this theme, i took the route of feeling 'anger' about an item, an idea or an issue.
and for me i take issue with cancer.
there are definitely moments that i feel anger for that bugger of a disease. in our family we call it the 'little c' because we don't believe it deserves a capital letter. when it entered our lives in the form of a tumor in my seven year old son's chest and he was diagnosed with stage 4 non-hodgkins lymphoblastic lymphoma i first felt shock and fear along with a fierce abundance of protective mamma love for my child. but when you watch your child battle through 2 1/2 years of intense chemotherapy treatment moments of anger creep in. anger that his treatment atrophied his athletic body. anger that his path in life was forever changed. anger that this disease robbed my son of 2 1/2 years of precious childhood years. we don't ever get those years back. damn that cancer.
but you see the 'little c' wasn't done with our family. for five months after we joyfully celebrated our son's cure date -- he is healthy. he is strong. he is cancer free.
the 'little' c' returned.
this time it took the form of several tumors... in me. in my breast tissue. and i was diagnosed with breast cancer. again the feelings of shock, fear and fierce protective mamma love for my kids took hold. my journey took the form of surgeries- double mastectomy and thankfully no radiation or chemotherapy. but i have to take a drug for the next five years (thus the photo above.) the drug has side effects the main one throwing my body into menopause and that's a bugger. i feel too young. the hot flashes and night sweats are not fun. but my pain is gone. i'm cancer free. i'm healthy, i'm strong and i'm alive.
but damn that little c.
week 20 :: anger
this week's theme proved a bit challenging for me, how do you show anger? anger is an emotion and visible when a person is in the moment experiencing that feeling. it can then be 'seen'- visually through facial expressions or gestures. but you have to be in that moment to capture it?? and truly I try not to feel anger, it depletes my energy, it doesn't feel good and it's not incredibly healthy either. now don't get me wrong, there are definitely those moments of feeling 'highly frUstrated.' but for this theme, i took the route of feeling 'anger' about an item, an idea or an issue.
and for me i take issue with cancer.
there are definitely moments that i feel anger for that bugger of a disease. in our family we call it the 'little c' because we don't believe it deserves a capital letter. when it entered our lives in the form of a tumor in my seven year old son's chest and he was diagnosed with stage 4 non-hodgkins lymphoblastic lymphoma i first felt shock and fear along with a fierce abundance of protective mamma love for my child. but when you watch your child battle through 2 1/2 years of intense chemotherapy treatment moments of anger creep in. anger that his treatment atrophied his athletic body. anger that his path in life was forever changed. anger that this disease robbed my son of 2 1/2 years of precious childhood years. we don't ever get those years back. damn that cancer.
but you see the 'little c' wasn't done with our family. for five months after we joyfully celebrated our son's cure date -- he is healthy. he is strong. he is cancer free.
the 'little' c' returned.
this time it took the form of several tumors... in me. in my breast tissue. and i was diagnosed with breast cancer. again the feelings of shock, fear and fierce protective mamma love for my kids took hold. my journey took the form of surgeries- double mastectomy and thankfully no radiation or chemotherapy. but i have to take a drug for the next five years (thus the photo above.) the drug has side effects the main one throwing my body into menopause and that's a bugger. i feel too young. the hot flashes and night sweats are not fun. but my pain is gone. i'm cancer free. i'm healthy, i'm strong and i'm alive.
but damn that little c.