RIP Maria - you never let me down.
It's been a bit of a grim few days here at Schloss Slembo. My son was sectioned under the Mental Health Act last week and I've been visiting him in a secure ward at a local hospital ever since. When he was younger he was good friends with my then-girlfriend Maria (pictured left, with me at Walthamstow Village Festival) so it was a greater shock to hear this week that Maria had suddenly died in a north of England hospital. She was in her late 20s when we met so by my calculations she'd was only about 39 when she died. She'd apparently been in the intensive care unit suffering from complications arising from contracting the Swine Flu.
We'd first met on one of the famous BDSM 'Boat Parties' organised on the Thames in the 1997. I was then kitted out in my trademark 18th century Gothic style as the 'Handcuff Highwayman' or 'Buccaneer of Bondage' while Maria was even more Gothic in her tastes with a tight purple corset and huge cloak, etc, (also pictured). Our relationship was unusual (but not unheard of) in BDSM circles as I was a male dom and she was a female domme. Publicly we were pure dom but privately we subbed to each other. It was a dream relationship and worked well. We could even effortlessly shift roles during the course of one night; as one tired the other would take over and make the running. She also denied ever being a Goth. She famously said: "I'm the one who walks over to the Goths and says: 'Cheer up you sad f*cks' "
She and I attended the 1997 re-launch of SM Pride and Maria contributed to early SM Pride meetings. She was also house domme at the Domina Club, a role she famously described as being "Meeter, greeter and chief beater". Her London scene name was 'the Black Widow'. She learned to use a bullwhip, not without painful accidents, and frequently carried it over her shoulder. This came in handy one night in Walthamstow when two men tried to mug her. Maria elbowed the pair of them off, jumped forward, turned and cracked the whip at them in best Indiana Jones style. She said their faces were a picture, before they fled wailing into the night. I worked for the local newspaper at the time, strangely this was one story the newspaper never got!
Maria was on good terms with my son and introduced him to the music of Alice Cooper and heavy metal in general. Alice Cooper had once seen her on the stairs at one of his gigs and did a 'double take' as he went past. Another time she was drinking at the Royal Standard pub at Blackhorse Road (then a heavy metal venue) when she got into a good natured slap fight with a big biker. Still laughing she returned to her seat to find the rest of her mates sh*tting themselves. Turns out she'd picked a fight with the leader of the local Hell's Angels. Luckily he was a good loser, well at least where women were concerned!
A keen Star Trek fan she'd met several of the cast at conventions but Marc Alaimo (Gul Dukat in Deep Space 9) and William Campbell (Squire of Gothos in Classic Star Trek and the Klingon Koloth in Deep Space 9) were firm favourites. She once amazed William Campbell by attending a picture signing (when he was doing DS9) and producing an old Squire of Gothos picture for him to sign. He was touched that she'd remembered his original Star Trek role - possibly the first 'Q' omnipotent character in Star Trek.
Maria and I dressed up in full club gear for the Walthamstow Village Festival in 1998 (pictured) and she got a lot of good natured comments from the market-stall holders as she walked through with her ample cleavage barely crammed into her trademark corset. One market trader even held up two melons and said: "Hey, I got some too darling!" Later that day we were at the studio of a local artist and Japanese rope bondage expert where my son learned about the artist Escher and the earlier artists who had influenced him. James had a fascination for Escher.
She was good friends with the Scots domme Mistress Delta. They had met in most unusual circumstances. Maria had been using her new bullwhip (badly) when it curled it back and whacked Mistress Delta painfully across the leg. A domme whacking a domme is NOT BDSM good practice. Maria had very expressive eyes and Delta had a great sense of humour. Describing the incident to me months later Delta (NOT one to suffer fools lightly) said: "I could hardly take offence, she looked so bloody upset about what she'd done..."
Having said we were both dominant, I should mention the one time Maria subbed in public. We were at a club in Hackney and Maria had volunteered as demo bunny for a heavy bondage demonstration. So there she was, tightly bound and blindfolded, when Mistress Delta caught us. "Oh" says a loud Scots voice: "Is that that Black Widow I see over there? Not so f*cking dominant now, are we?" Maria was meantime saying: "Oh f*ck, oh f*ck that's Delta". I added: "It's just as well you're blindfolded Maria because you would not believe the look of disgust on Delta's face..." "Oh f*ck, oh f*ck" said Maria in a higher key. We left the blindfold in place, it seemed the kindest thing to do.
We eventually had the most good natured of splits at the old London Fetish Market at Old Camden Town Hall - we both realised the relationship had run out of steam but I let Maria make the decision as I knew a past boyfriend had hurt her. I wanted her to leave with her head up. She later said she'd always appreciated that I'd done it that way. She moved on to a new partner who (like me) wore a three-sided tricorne hat. I once said: "Have you got a 'thing' about blokes with three-sided heads Maria?" Together Maria and her new partner joined a vampire role-play group. Maria famously had very photo-sensitive skin and had to wear a thick velvet cloak in bright sunlight in case her skin reacted. So I pointed out: "Maria, you've joined a vampire role-play group. Do you realise you are probably the only member who can PASS the physical for being a vampire?" She was very proud of that!
She later bought her new partner and myself matching Bettie Page tee-shirts and we saw each other from time-to-time but my illness and her eventual move to Manchester inevitably meant that we saw less of each other. I think we met again at the Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar and then at a fireworks party in North London in about 2005. That was the last time I saw her.
Over the years I've had several partners and probably a couple I should not have got involved-with at all. I will say this of Maria. She was a good and loyal friend, she was a woman of strong principles and she never EVER let me down. Not once. There are not many people I can say that about.
She died decades too soon... and that's a tragedy. RIP Maria.
RIP Maria - you never let me down.
It's been a bit of a grim few days here at Schloss Slembo. My son was sectioned under the Mental Health Act last week and I've been visiting him in a secure ward at a local hospital ever since. When he was younger he was good friends with my then-girlfriend Maria (pictured left, with me at Walthamstow Village Festival) so it was a greater shock to hear this week that Maria had suddenly died in a north of England hospital. She was in her late 20s when we met so by my calculations she'd was only about 39 when she died. She'd apparently been in the intensive care unit suffering from complications arising from contracting the Swine Flu.
We'd first met on one of the famous BDSM 'Boat Parties' organised on the Thames in the 1997. I was then kitted out in my trademark 18th century Gothic style as the 'Handcuff Highwayman' or 'Buccaneer of Bondage' while Maria was even more Gothic in her tastes with a tight purple corset and huge cloak, etc, (also pictured). Our relationship was unusual (but not unheard of) in BDSM circles as I was a male dom and she was a female domme. Publicly we were pure dom but privately we subbed to each other. It was a dream relationship and worked well. We could even effortlessly shift roles during the course of one night; as one tired the other would take over and make the running. She also denied ever being a Goth. She famously said: "I'm the one who walks over to the Goths and says: 'Cheer up you sad f*cks' "
She and I attended the 1997 re-launch of SM Pride and Maria contributed to early SM Pride meetings. She was also house domme at the Domina Club, a role she famously described as being "Meeter, greeter and chief beater". Her London scene name was 'the Black Widow'. She learned to use a bullwhip, not without painful accidents, and frequently carried it over her shoulder. This came in handy one night in Walthamstow when two men tried to mug her. Maria elbowed the pair of them off, jumped forward, turned and cracked the whip at them in best Indiana Jones style. She said their faces were a picture, before they fled wailing into the night. I worked for the local newspaper at the time, strangely this was one story the newspaper never got!
Maria was on good terms with my son and introduced him to the music of Alice Cooper and heavy metal in general. Alice Cooper had once seen her on the stairs at one of his gigs and did a 'double take' as he went past. Another time she was drinking at the Royal Standard pub at Blackhorse Road (then a heavy metal venue) when she got into a good natured slap fight with a big biker. Still laughing she returned to her seat to find the rest of her mates sh*tting themselves. Turns out she'd picked a fight with the leader of the local Hell's Angels. Luckily he was a good loser, well at least where women were concerned!
A keen Star Trek fan she'd met several of the cast at conventions but Marc Alaimo (Gul Dukat in Deep Space 9) and William Campbell (Squire of Gothos in Classic Star Trek and the Klingon Koloth in Deep Space 9) were firm favourites. She once amazed William Campbell by attending a picture signing (when he was doing DS9) and producing an old Squire of Gothos picture for him to sign. He was touched that she'd remembered his original Star Trek role - possibly the first 'Q' omnipotent character in Star Trek.
Maria and I dressed up in full club gear for the Walthamstow Village Festival in 1998 (pictured) and she got a lot of good natured comments from the market-stall holders as she walked through with her ample cleavage barely crammed into her trademark corset. One market trader even held up two melons and said: "Hey, I got some too darling!" Later that day we were at the studio of a local artist and Japanese rope bondage expert where my son learned about the artist Escher and the earlier artists who had influenced him. James had a fascination for Escher.
She was good friends with the Scots domme Mistress Delta. They had met in most unusual circumstances. Maria had been using her new bullwhip (badly) when it curled it back and whacked Mistress Delta painfully across the leg. A domme whacking a domme is NOT BDSM good practice. Maria had very expressive eyes and Delta had a great sense of humour. Describing the incident to me months later Delta (NOT one to suffer fools lightly) said: "I could hardly take offence, she looked so bloody upset about what she'd done..."
Having said we were both dominant, I should mention the one time Maria subbed in public. We were at a club in Hackney and Maria had volunteered as demo bunny for a heavy bondage demonstration. So there she was, tightly bound and blindfolded, when Mistress Delta caught us. "Oh" says a loud Scots voice: "Is that that Black Widow I see over there? Not so f*cking dominant now, are we?" Maria was meantime saying: "Oh f*ck, oh f*ck that's Delta". I added: "It's just as well you're blindfolded Maria because you would not believe the look of disgust on Delta's face..." "Oh f*ck, oh f*ck" said Maria in a higher key. We left the blindfold in place, it seemed the kindest thing to do.
We eventually had the most good natured of splits at the old London Fetish Market at Old Camden Town Hall - we both realised the relationship had run out of steam but I let Maria make the decision as I knew a past boyfriend had hurt her. I wanted her to leave with her head up. She later said she'd always appreciated that I'd done it that way. She moved on to a new partner who (like me) wore a three-sided tricorne hat. I once said: "Have you got a 'thing' about blokes with three-sided heads Maria?" Together Maria and her new partner joined a vampire role-play group. Maria famously had very photo-sensitive skin and had to wear a thick velvet cloak in bright sunlight in case her skin reacted. So I pointed out: "Maria, you've joined a vampire role-play group. Do you realise you are probably the only member who can PASS the physical for being a vampire?" She was very proud of that!
She later bought her new partner and myself matching Bettie Page tee-shirts and we saw each other from time-to-time but my illness and her eventual move to Manchester inevitably meant that we saw less of each other. I think we met again at the Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar and then at a fireworks party in North London in about 2005. That was the last time I saw her.
Over the years I've had several partners and probably a couple I should not have got involved-with at all. I will say this of Maria. She was a good and loyal friend, she was a woman of strong principles and she never EVER let me down. Not once. There are not many people I can say that about.
She died decades too soon... and that's a tragedy. RIP Maria.