Messages

I got the gas bill. I tore it up.

I got the Visa bill. I tore it up.

I got the cable bill. I shredded it.

I got the bill for the car. I set it on fire.

Electricity, insurance, cell, they got fed

to the disposal. I got a note from my sister

wanting to know when I’m going to return

her tennis racket. I stuffed it into an old T-shirt

and put it out with the trash. I got an email

offering an opportunity in ten easy payments

to have my body transformed into a major

pleasure park for any women I meet. I printed

it off and put it into a book they gave me at work

for my birthday on ways to improve your sex life

then took the book outside and placed it under

a tire and drove my car back and forth over it.

I received three telephone messages from my alumni

association, two messages offering better lawn care

from a man I once worked for who had borrowed

my Swiss Army Knife then claimed to have lost it

when I asked for it back. There was a message

from a man who thought I was Burt and wanted

me to call him about the deal we’d discussed. I

unplugged my answering machine and put it into the hall closet

where I put all the electronic junk I think I still might

need some day. I got into my car a drove to the mall

and ate a burger and some fries. I watched a woman

yank a child out of a store, the child’s feet not touching

the floor for many seconds. I went home, where waiting

for me was a package containing a book I’d ordered

on living a more frugal and happy life. I turned

on the TV and tried to decide what to do with that book.

I thought of Europe, Japan, and China as possible destinations.

 

Done